One month anniversary ...

Arranged marriages - Thats the topic for the day.

For those who are unfamiliar with the process of an arranged marriage, here is how it goes. Incidentally, any similarity to our story is purely incidental and coincidental ;-)

• Boy's parents decide that its time to clip his wings and get him to produce some grand-kids. His photo (typically in front of the Taj Mahal, on the Empire State Building, at the Grand Canyon, maybe even skiing on the alps, a graduation day snap or besides his fancy car) is photoshopped to perfection. This is called the "shaadi.com snap" !
• Girl's parents are chastised by about 229 elders about the criminality of letting a girl stay unmarried beyond the age of 20. The girl is taken to a photographers, where a couple of strong arc lights extract the Madhuri Dixit in her (A few minutes before, she was just taught how to wear a sari by her mother, who will wear a perpetually harassed look for the next few months). The father drags the photographer and personally promises him about 10% of his networth if only he can erase the scowl off his daughter's face :-)
• The photographs and "bio-data" are then put into circulation. I have heard of some bio-datas that beat the Deccan Chronicle in circulation, a couple of times. And the bio-data itself, thats a work of art, nuff said.
• There is an old tamil saying that says that its quite alright to tell a thousand lies to get a marriage fixed. Most Tamil families take this quite literally, and the boy and girl are elevated to dizzying heights of perfection. The girl is a very down to earth person, very adjusting, unassuming, does not gossip much, reads a lot, is a good host, a great cook and makes the best icecreams in the world.
• Several well meaning relatives and friends suggest different alliances with varying degrees of unsuitability.
• Both sets of parents are disturbed by the lack of suitable alliances and curse a variety of things - The curliness of their daughter's hair, the fact that the son failed a unit test in Standard IX, the squint eye of a driver, the Tamil Nadu government, George Bush, Hurricane Katrina, Veerapan and then the evergreen scapegoat, the mother-in-law !
• They then immerse themselves in a variety of pujas and promise offerings of anything from hair (not their own in most cases) to pilgrimages, to a bizarre offering of a Hyundai (I am not making this up - The car was then used by the parent, with God as his "co-driver". Hmmmm.)
• Finally, the photos of our hero and heroine end up in the right places.
• Now, who will take the first step ? And who will be the messenger be ? Once these critical questions are answered, there are several delicately arranged meetings, which when negotiated lead to a level of comfort between the two families.
• Then a date is fixed for the boy and girl to meet. Both families tell their respective children that if they don't like the potential partner, they should feel free to tell them. The mothers then add in an undertone, "Yup, feel free to say no, but it might just kill me, not that you should care !". Relatives call from 6 continents (Nadars have not settled in Antarctica yet - The retail/wholesale market there isnt too hot !) to let the boy and girl know about the immense suitability of the alliance.
• The boy and girl meet and the girl has resolved that unless the boy has a fit right there and dies, she will marry him. The boy is just praying that she has two good eyes ...
• But, you know what, inevitably, the match is superb, and there is an instantaneous chemistry between the two and there is no question to answer, its obvious, they belong together

That, in my mind, is the greatness of arranged marriage - The fact that time and again, this process of networking, filtration and matching results in excellent matches. I dont know how it happens, but it does ....

PS: Lots of people have requested that I post some pics of my fiance, but the boss has put her foot down on my posting her snaps online. So, if you do wish to see a picture of the two of us, please petition her directly at shyna@ideamani.com (And if you want to know why I call her Shyna, you can ask her that as well ;-)

PS II: Its a month since I was first shown Shyna's photograph !